Laws for Unlaws | Oppikoppi 2012 Sweet Thing

Right. 25 days until Oppikoppi 2012 Sweet Thing. We presume you have bought your tickets? Good. Now here are the Oppikoppi official #LawsForUnlaws. 

The Laws for Unlaws provides a rough guide to dealing with Oppikoppi. Matt’s guide to dealing with Oppikoppi is coming up next week, but the 3 important rules are:

1. Don’t be a doos guy! Chill hard and take it easy.
2. Oppikoppi is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself or fade hard on the last night when the big bands play.
3. Water: Take a lot with for drinking.
4. Dust: Just accept it and move on.

• For new fans: don’t tackle OppiKoppi flats peed or perpendicularly from day one. Use the force, stay with friends, look for wormholes and Trojan chutes. Save your strength/s.
• Is you is, or is you ain’t my baby: OppiKoppi is there for friends. Bring your own, or we will supply. Come hungry.
• Jean Pahkering/Geen Parkering: dust roads are meant to be trampled by foot. Cars in roads are removed with sometimes astonishing efficiency.
• In dust we trust.
• No under 18s (We will wait for you). Even under adult supervision. They get separated and exposed to Wolmers. No parent wants that.
• Not all trees are meant to be climbed by Goths. Please don’t chop/saw/damage our cherished specimens. There are plenty of foreign intruder species on sale outside the main gate.
• Draai of Braai: things can go very wrong on the way to OppiKoppi. We suggest finding yourself. And immediately thereafter a designated driver. Then proceed brusquely. Don’t be tempted along the way.
• GOODTIGERTIMES: OppiKoppi is there to be enjoyed. Don’t fuck it up for other people by irritating them. Or us.
• She’s my man and I love her: don’t come to OppiKoppi fenced into corridors of certainty. Small mindedness is overrated. And frowned upon.
• He’s my dog and I love him: And if you want to see Stompie again after the festival we recommend leaving him at home. People braai almost anything marginally smaller than a Coleske brother at Oppikoppi. (One or two Lord of the Ring character doubling actors has had scary run-ins with the outer lying campsites at the festival in 2009.).
• Water, Water everywhere; except 14km outside Northam. We try to stay ahead of the masses with our boreholes but have run dry in previous years. If you can, a few canisters of mix are not a bad idea. Even more resplendent are a few of those frozen solid and left in a closed coolbox for day 2 or 3.
• Showers, Showers everywhere… we once had dreams like that, but it came to naught. We are rolling out a few more showers but these should be viewed as emergency tools for getting peanut butter off allergic people. Or situations like that. You will be covered in dust at OppiKoppi, acknowledge the fact. For tactile/texture freaks (like your current journalist/info writer): the lords sent us wet wipes; you’ll find them surprisingly efficient to handle 3 days. You will survive.
• Love hurts: as it does when a Haak-en-Steek embraces Hennie “The-boy-with-the-thorn-in-his-side” Smith, your new friend. We have first aid tents for Hennie. Your heart will mend itself at a cash bar. Quickly.
• Aleajactaest: now take the tunes as they come.
• Where’s my camp: try to mark a road/exit/tree or just about anything. We are working on GPS guides for the camp terrain to make it a bit better. However half the friends made at OppiKoppi each year arises from mistaken camp site returnees/foundees.
• You Yes You: don’t arrive aggressive. If you have to, moer someone in Springs then come through.
• Northam Law vs Northam Outlaws: it makes for nice stories to be sure, but the humour has been poached from the constabulary in the greater Northam District a long time ago. We highly recommend falling in line. Or away from the line. (Never close to the officer’s feet).

Chinese / Thailand Sea Faring Candle Lit Lanterns gone wrong: Result was a good PK

• BushveldEnjoyneering: anything that creates shade in the day or bodyheat at night is worth thinking about in the weeks before the brouhaha.
• Roekeloos: love that word. Tattoo it on your forehead or chest to win more friends at the festival.
• Fire: barely permissible.There are many people/cars in the camp site. Fires are restricted to knee height and our fire marshals have the right to douse any fire and remove from the premises anyone who do not comply. We also highly recommend having a fire extinguisher in the car somewhere.
• Chinese / Thailand Sea Faring Candle Lit Lanterns: are fantastic in Thailand over the mesmerising sea sunsets. In the dry South African bush veld they cause fires and no small amount of animosity (And subsequent PK’s). Leave them at home for your seaside holiday.
• Kreef Hotel: for the semi-civil OppiKoppi patrons. Point Five Star Pseudo Luxury Tents right in the middle of OppiKoppi. You could not have scripted it.
• OppiKoppi is a city #1: believe it or not. We have real cops, real roads, laws and order.
• OppiKoppi is a city #2: Keep in mind that there are almost 20 000 people around, which means there are bound to be a few hicks. We therefore strongly recommend leaving valuable bits (like your Coleske brother thumb puppets) at home. And locking carry-able items in your boot/car. Everyone is relaxed and mostly it is all fine, but it just makes it easier for all of us if temptation is limited to the cash bar.
• Crouch, touch, pause…Engage. Almost anyone.
• Camp (District 9/Mordor) cleaning / Entertainment area cleaning: this area is cleaned along the main roads constantly by a super team of diligent local friends. We don’t send cleaning teams into D9 campsite until after the festival for security reasons. Please try to keep things in shape as best you could. You are welcome to drop rubbish bags at our collection points, where we do have regular pick-ups. We can also remove your unwanted friends for a nominal fee.
• OppiKoppi Small Bar at the top (Where it all started): no requests, no remorse.
• SkaapVryJy: OppiKoppi is about freedom. We have only 3 days. Use them sparingly. But use every minute: there is more than one thing to do at any one time, try to plan a bit. Then throw your own advice out the window. Life is short and ambitionphukenoveridiolized.
• Friends in brambles: things happen. You know. Look out for each other. But let us know if you get really stuck. Or hurt.
• “A man’s gotta know his limitations” is what Clint Eastwood said. But he is not playing OppiKoppi this year.#Goforit.
• Blessed is he who travels with wet wipes, and warmly will he be received at any camp site. Especially with warm wet wipes.

If you want to make life a bit easier, the rules are available on the Oppikoppi Facebook Page. Also, include any laws or ideas below.