A few weeks ago a mail appeared in my work email inviting me to a covert mission requiring me to reply with my name, contact details and the details of a wing man to accompany me on this dangerous and, as yet, mysterious mission.
Once the details were submitted and a wing (wo)man chosen (View her here). A week later there was a second communication. Sadly, at this point my wing man had to abandon the mission. Oh well. Finally, the last details came through. The agents were due to meet at the secret base situated at the Circle Bar at the Crowne Plaza in Rosebank on October 6 2011 at 15h00.
Upon receiving this mail it was revealed I would make a pretty rubbish spy. In the email communication it was mentioned multiple times that I need to dress in the theme of Bond and Casino Royale. Sorry. Missed that one. So pitched it work clothes. Thankfully that meant sorta smartish shirt and nice jeans rather than shorts and slops.
When I arrived I immediately met up with Agent Dale and Agent Gump. 2 Champions who also make for bad spies with their dress code. Signed in and the lovely girls of Crowne Plaza presented me with a secret communication device which was cleverly disguised as an iPod. The communication device contained training material as well as instructions on usage. This was
- To record a video of any item that could be of interest to MINI HQ and associated parties
- Coherse a deviant operative to come nearby for a photo opportunity and gain a name
- Return to base with the communication device and all data.
So, mission outcomes determined, we set off from Crowne Plaza. Agents Seth, Dale, Gump and Matt and some other agents all got in a bus (Not the most secure) and set on a deviant route to the Johannesburg Motorshow where the secret prototype was soon to be revelaed. The route took us through the center of Johannesburg, past Ellis Park and along the M2, a route that confused some agents, never mind any enemies.
Arriving as JIMS, we were let loose to mingle for a few hours before the secret prototype was revealed. Time passed, and I encountered a surveillance agent named Heather. She evidently was working for the enemy as I was completely distracted from goings on around me by her. Thankfully Agent Seth came to my rescue with a gin and tonic. Good work Agent Seth.
Later, the time came to unveil the concept. Much fanfare, and some speeches (Which I didn’t hear due to enemy Agent Heather) and suddenly all was revealed. The MINI Coupe.
Basically image a BMW 1-Series Coupe meets a MINI. The front is still definately a MINI with the large headlamps and the classic Leyland grill, but the cabin only has 2 seats, and the roof ends just behind the driver.
Due to the lack of rear seats, this is the first MINI to have something resembling a boot. Agent Seth even managed to hide inside it.
Soon, the agents were transferred back to the secret base at Circle Bar at Crowne Plaza. Euphonic was now in the house to debrief us and alleviate us of all stress. Enemy agent Heather joined, working until 23h00, and resisted my subtle urges to get her plastered as a diversionary tactic.
All in all, the MINI secret covert mission with Agent Matt Black, the worlds worst spy was a complete success.
The secret item, the MINI Coupe was spotted and detailed. Agent Seth was met and revealed covert information.
Enemy agent Heather passed on her mobile number and in true Bond fashion she has a boyfriend… Oh yes. Thank you MINI Coupe!