I know we don’t usually do this in South Africa, but in Europe and the States people will pick up hitchhikers. Now the reason we don’t pick up hitchhikers in this country is because we realize people without cars are probably poor and also a little bit mental, or they would have taken a taxi or gone with a friend.
Just in case you are one of the braver South Africans, Here is a handy list to check to see if you have made a bad choice in your particular hitchhiker
- He has a hook for hand.
- He will not stop playing with the automatic windows.
- Metal buttons on his blood spattered jacket scratch leather seat.
- His insistence in riding on your lap leads to embarrassing traffic ticket.
- Different expectations associated with the word “ride” lead to awkward silence.
- “Would you like to learn about another testament of Jesus Christ?”
- What you thought was a busty gal, turns out to be Cheech Marin.
- He changes your pre-set stations.
- He proves resistant to chloroform.
- The knife did not concern you, but the sharpening process does.
- He compliments your clothes, then asks your measurements.
- He wants to become Facebook friends.
- He figures out you kill hitchhikers before you realize he kills people that pick up them up.
- Conversation turns heated when topic shifts to Presidential legacy of Martin Van Buren.
- No respect for the Hyundai name.
- Barbwire tattoo turns out not to be tattoo at all.
- Cordial game of Slug-Bug gets weird when he insists on “playing for keeps.”